Since I last wrote life has been a roller coaster no lets me correct myself a treadmill. One day I feel like I have found my pace I am cruising, yes everything is coming together.
I can and I will!
I have a plan which is working. Seemingly overnight the treadmill speed and incline are now set to the highest setting and it's all too much. The overwhelm sets in and the to do list seems so long.
We live in a world where we expect everything to be done by yesterday. Constantly scrambling up the imaginary treadmill, with the stop button at our finger tips. Do we use it? If it were a real treadmill I am sure we all would as you know a treadmill goes nowhere.
I did something I have never done before. I pressed stop. At the time of writing I am in that zone where it slows to a walking pace before stopping.
It has left me feeling a little raw and exposed. As though a layer has been stripped away as a snake sheds its skin.
How do they fit together? Now I have that crazy vision in my mind. Anyway I digress.
For so long, maybe too long, I would push push and push up the treadmill. I had things to do and places to be. I have not time for contemplation. Being busy and ticking off all of the to do's, making sure everyone was happy was my blueprint for coping. It allowed me to be okay with myself.
I have come to realise this is not sustainable.
The water bottle is empty and if I don't stop who will fill it up?
This is where the shedding piece comes into play. As I let go of old ways of being, it is unnerving. What will happen? Will the world fall apart? The voice in my mind which goads me to keep running up the treadmill because if I stop it will all go horribly wrong.
Well what will go wrong?
Yes it's good to push and strive but not 24/7. Often we miss things and wonderful opportunities pass us by. Being busy is an excuse to not try something new. As we don't have time for it. I must admit letting go to make space for more is a challenge. Not in a physical sense but a mental one. I try and make the speed faster and the incline steeper.
This is why it is so important to come into the present.
Get out of my head and come into the body and ground.
Yoga helps with this but simple things like breath work can help.
Do you know what else I have done. I have cleared my diary. I have left and muted some what's app groups and I feel so free - no more pings!
Giving me space to take